By Grant Tucker
Whether informed within the rugby golf equipment of Wales or the gentlemen's golf equipment of London, their sharpness and straightforwardness unites us all. brief, candy and wickedly shrewdpermanent, they carry a different position within the annals of comedy, and because the upward push of Twitter heralds a resurrection of the artwork shape, there turns out no larger time to have a good time the immortal one-liner. during this publication, provide Tucker does simply that, bringing jointly 5,000 of the funniest one-liners ever informed in a single definitive quantity. Laugh-out-loud humorous, 5,000 nice One-Liners has the entire quips, zingers, puns and wisecracks you will ever want – and a complete lot extra.
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Extra resources for 5,000 Great One Liners
Avalanche: what Italians do every day at about half past twelve. Just had an awkward time with a prostitute who expected me to take her on a date. She must have misunderstood when I asked if she was free in the morning. I gave my sister away at her wedding. ’ Son: ‘My friend’s borrowed it. ’ Did you know? It’s impossible to say ‘good eye might’ without sounding Australian. How come all the girls on Facebook take so many photos of their mirrors? I used to go to AA meetings. We would meet up in the pub, get absolutely wasted and not tell each other our names.
Though ironically, he wasn’t wearing a mask so I don’t know which one it was. What’s the height of laziness? Sleeping and then dreaming about sleeping. A friend of mine said that he wanted to improve his golf. I suggested that he should go on a course. ’ I’ve got fifteen water balloons ready… I can’t wait. I was attacked by some little ginger boy doing martial arts. It turned out to be the carroty kid. My friend asked me if I was bulimic the other day. I nearly choked on my finger. ’ The pilots must have really strict parents.
That’s my dissertation finished. My mate told me that I just don’t understand irony. Which was ironic because we were at a bus stop at the time. How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you’re on. My wife kicked me out so I’ve been living in a telephone box. I just wanted somewhere to call home. I saved loads of cash on the new iPhone yesterday. I didn’t buy one. When people ask me what my best qualities are, I always tell them my second-best quality is being mysterious. I turned up at a fancy-dress party dressed as a football.
5,000 Great One Liners by Grant Tucker